Steven Wright Quotes to add humour in life

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations. Wright was ranked as the 15th Greatest Comedian by Rolling Stone in their 2017 list of the 50 Greatest Stand-up Comics. His accolades include the Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film for writing and producing the short film The Appointments of Dennis Jennings (1988) and two Primetime Emmy Awards nominations as a producer of Louie (2010–15). He is known for his supporting role as Leon in the Peabody Award-winning tragicomedy web series Horace and Pete. We bring you the compilation of the best Steven Wright Quotes, hope you like it.

Quotes are powerful resource tools in areas of personal growth, life issues, business, leadership and meditation and from these quotes, you can derive inspiration, motivation and even hope from time to time. Furthermore, you can spice up your speeches, reports, presentations, blogs, or use them as thoughtful words to your friends and loved ones. We are not the author of these Steven Wright quotes but do we try as much as possible to add the author’s name to the quotes. Author’s of these quotes are poet, famous author’s, scientist, actors, philosophers, famous persons and ordinary people etc…

Steven Wright Quotes to add humour in life

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas…I told my roommate and he said ‘Do I know you?’— Steven Wright

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?— Steven Wright

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.— Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.— Steven Wright

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.— Steven Wright

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer— Steven Wright

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.— Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.— Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.— Steven Wright

If God dropped acid, would he see people?— Steven Wright

I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters.— Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.— Steven Wright

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.— Steven Wright

Cross Country skiing is great if you live in a small country.— Steven Wright

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.-Steven Wright, Standup Comedy Routine-

Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.— Steven Wright

If toast always lands butterside down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it— Steven Wright

Steven Wright Quotes to add humour in life

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know— Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.— Steven Wright

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it— Steven Wright

They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.— Steven Wright

I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.— Steven Wright

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.— Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.— Steven Wright

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.— Steven Wright

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… the study of milkmen.— Steven Wright

The Meaning Of Life The reason that we’re all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go.— Steven Wright

Have you been inspired by these Steven Wright quotes. If you have been enjoying our Steven Wright quotes compilation then do check out our collection of quotes from Authors similar to our Steven Wright quotes collection.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.— Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’— Steven Wright

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.— Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!-Steven Wright, Standup Comedy Routine-

I have an existential map. It has ‘You are here’ written all over it.— Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.— Steven Wright

My girlfriend sleeps in a queensized bed and I sleep in a court jestersized bed.-Steven Wright, I Have a Pony-

Steven Wright Quotes to add humour in life

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.— Steven Wright

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates… When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, ‘Do I know you’— Steven Wright

I’m living on a oneway dead end street. I don’t know how I got there.— Steven Wright

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.— Steven Wright

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’— Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.— Steven Wright

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.— Steven Wright

I bought a dog the other day…I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him…’Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’ He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd.— Steven Wright

What’s another word for Thesaurus— Steven Wright

Ever notice how it’s a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!— Steven Wright

Have you been inspired by these Steven Wright quotes. If you have been enjoying our Steven Wright quotes compilation then do check out our collection of quotes from Authors similar to our Steven Wright quotes collection.

Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.— Steven Wright

How young can you die of old age?— Steven Wright

Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.— Steven Wright

A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here.— Steven Wright

Black holes are where God divided by zero.— Steven Wright

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speedreading accident. I hit a bookmark.— Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.— Steven Wright

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.— Steven Wright


We hope this compilation of quotes took you out of your grim and helped you to reflect on yourself. There are times in our lives when pausing, getting to know who you are on a deeper level, and evaluating yourself and your progress can really open up all kinds of creative and inspirational pathways. Keep Hustling and Follow Quotes Inferno for more such quotes. Feel free to share your favorite with your friends or in the comments below.

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