Groucho Marx Quotes to discover the fictional life

Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, and television star. He is generally considered to have been a master of quick wit and one of America’s greatest comedians. He made 13 feature films as a team with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. He also had a successful solo career, primarily on radio and television, most notably as the host of the game show You Bet Your Life. His distinctive appearance, carried over from his days in vaudeville, included quirks such as an exaggerated stooped posture, spectacles, cigar, a thick greasepaint moustache, and eyebrows. These exaggerated features resulted in the creation of one of the most recognizable and ubiquitous novelty disguises, known as Groucho glasses: a one-piece mask consisting of horn-rimmed glasses, a large plastic nose, bushy eyebrows and moustache. We bring you the compilation of the best Groucho Marx Quotes, hope you like it.

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Groucho Marx Quotes to discover the fictional life

You know, you haven’t stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.— Groucho Marx

Every time I get romantic with you, you want to talk business. I don’t know, there’s something about me that brings out the business in every woman. (Night at the Opera)— Groucho Marx

I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.— Groucho Marx

No, no, I’d rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling. (At the Circus)— Groucho Marx

Go, and never darken my towels again— Groucho Marx

One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather. (Animal Crackers)— Groucho Marx

We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed, but we’re going back again in a couple of weeks. (Animal Crackers)— Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.— Groucho Marx

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.— Groucho Marx

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows  marriage does.— Groucho Marx

Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.— Groucho Marx

Clear? Huh! Why a 4yearold child could understand this report. Run out and find me a 4yearold child. I can’t make head or tail out of it. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

You’ve got the brain of a fouryearold boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. (Horse Feathers)— Groucho Marx

We’ve got to speed things up in this hotel. Chef, if a guest orders a threeminute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he orders a twominute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he orders a oneminute egg, give him a chicken and let him work it out for himself. (A Night in Casablanca)— Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.— Groucho Marx

Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice. (Horse Feathers)— Groucho Marx

I’d have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didn’t have a tape measure. (Go West)— Groucho Marx

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.Fred Allen, in a letter to — Groucho Marx, 1953

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.— Groucho Marx

If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.— Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx Quotes to discover the fictional life

I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.— Groucho Marx

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.— Groucho Marx

This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on. (Animal Crackers)— Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.— Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.— Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.— Groucho Marx

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.— Groucho Marx, “Duck Soup” 1934

You can leave in a taxi. If you can’t get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.— Groucho Marx

There were three things that Chico was always on—a phone, a horse, or a broad.— Groucho Marx

Have you been inspired by these Groucho Marx quotes. If you have been enjoying our Groucho Marx quotes compilation then do check out our collection of quotes from Authors similar to our Groucho Marx quotes collection.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.— Groucho Marx

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.— Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.— Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.— Groucho Marx

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. (Horse Feathers)— Groucho Marx

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.— Groucho Marx

You are only as old as the woman you feel.— Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.— Groucho Marx

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay. (Night at the Opera)— Groucho Marx

You’re willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie. (Night at the Opera)— Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx Quotes to discover the fictional life

My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game. I’ve got five dollars bet on the other team. (Horse Feathers)— Groucho Marx

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.— Groucho Marx

Say! You cover a lot of ground yourself. You’d better beat it. I hear they’re gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you’re standing. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.— Groucho Marx

One morning, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I don’t know. (Animal Crackers)— Groucho Marx

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.— Groucho Marx

Africa is God’s country, and He can have it. (Animal Crackers)— Groucho Marx

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? (Horse Feathers)— Groucho Marx

I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.— Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.— Groucho Marx

Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fact, you do suggest something. To me you suggest a baboon. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

Have you been inspired by these Groucho Marx quotes. If you have been enjoying our Groucho Marx quotes compilation then do check out our collection of quotes from Authors similar to our Groucho Marx quotes collection.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.— Groucho Marx

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.— Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.— Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.— Groucho Marx

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you. (Duck Soup)— Groucho Marx

Oh, I know it’s a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. (Monkey Business)— Groucho Marx

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.— Groucho Marx

My mother loved children  she would have given anything if I had been one.— Groucho Marx

Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.— Groucho Marx

Afraid? Me? A man who’s licked his weight in wild caterpillars? (Monkey Business)— Groucho Marx

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead. (Double Dynamite)— Groucho Marx


We hope this compilation of quotes took you out of your grim and helped you to reflect on yourself. There are times in our lives when pausing, getting to know who you are on a deeper level, and evaluating yourself and your progress can really open up all kinds of creative and inspirational pathways. Keep Hustling and Follow Quotes Inferno for more such quotes. Feel free to share your favorite with your friends or in the comments below.

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ELYSIAN 2020