Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Laughing is good for health. Keeping yourself and others happy is essential for healthy life and we help you in doing so with our effort of this compilation of some of the good funny quotes. These funny quotes will make you feel good, happy and funny. Spread the word of happiness, humour and healthy life by these funny quotes.

Quotes are powerful resource tools in areas of personal growth, life issues, business, leadership and meditation, and from these quotes, you can occasionally draw inspiration, motivation and even hope. In addition, you can liven up your speeches, reports, presentations, blogs or use them as thoughtful words for your friends and loved ones. We are not the authors of these Funny Quotes but we try as much as possible to add the author’s name to quotes. The authors of these quotes are poets, famous authors, scientists, actors, philosophers, famous people and ordinary people etc …

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school. -Peter De Vries

Show me the man who enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore. -Robert Morley

School is the advertising agency which makes you believe that you need the society as it is. -Ivan Illich

In recalling their school years, students mostly remember their teachers and not the courses they took.

Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It’s like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won’t fatten the dog. -Mark Twain

A girl may not help you to get a lot of marks but Marks help you to get a lot of girls, so Love your studies not girls.

Thousand words of any teacher does not hurt much..But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes..!

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam, I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

You might not make heaven if you cover your script during an exam.. Sharing is caring!

Lovely days in my life, Childhood days, School days & college days, Horrible days in my life: only exam days.

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Examinations – the only way to know something at least for a few days.

When we have no idea what to write in the exam paper and the supervisor comes and says, “please cover your answer sheet.” It’s LOL…

“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.”  -Zig Ziglar

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” -Abraham Lincoln

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.” –Murphy’s Law

Have these funny quotes made you feel good and happy. If you have been enjoying our collection of funny quotes then do check out Funny Inspirational Quotes similar to our funny quotes collection!

“Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.”  -Mignon McLaughlin

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” -Brian Gerald O’Driscoll

“I love women. They’re the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that’s fine.”

“Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.”

“Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”

“If a woman tells you that she is single by choice, it’s probably because no one has chosen her.”

“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.”

“A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.”

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”

God made women beautiful and foolish, … beautiful that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.”

“It doesn’t matter how attractive someone is when you marry, even a white cat is black in the dark.”

“From what I understand about the female experience, the period should be called something more drastic, like the exclamation point.”

“Men socialize by insulting one another, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting one another… But they don’t really mean it, either.”

“I’m a woman… I’m smart. I never lose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“Fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelash, artificial face, and sometimes fake behavior, yet a woman will say she needs a real man.”

“Don’t argue! You cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument. It’s impossible. You will not win. Cause, men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense.”

School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. -H.L. Mencken

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. -Edgar W. Howe

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school. -Haruki Murakami

School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, so why practice

In school they told me Practice makes perfect. And then they told me Nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing. -Steven Wright

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”

“I wonder why young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.”

“If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… Just a couple of nations not talking with each other.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

 “What counts is not how many animals were killed to make the fur, but how many animals the woman had to sleep with to get the fur.”

“Men are generally more law- abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn’t make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.”

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.”

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”

“A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species.”

“I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.”

“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.”

“A woman may be misinformed, mislead, unclear, misguided, and even downright stupid. But she is never ever wrong.”

“A woman may be misinformed, mislead, unclear, misguided, and even downright stupid. But she is never ever wrong.”

“Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – By That’s because she changes it more often.”

“I prefer the word homemaker because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.”

“Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically foolproof.”

“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.”

“Don’t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can’t wear in the evening.”

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.”

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”

“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.”

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.”

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.”

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”

“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.”

Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.”

“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.”

“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”

“Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do, but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”

“A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”

“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.”

“True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.”

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

“It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”

“Loving is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth”

“It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.

“No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.”

“In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m still thinking of you. At night I can’t sleep. I’m so hungry!

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really has to know each other to get divorced.”

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.”

“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.”

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.”

My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor

“If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.”

“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.”

“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.”

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

 “Love is like a quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”

“Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.”

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale

“That love, at first sight, should happen to me, was Life’s most delicious revenge on a self-opinionated fool.” -Charles Boyer

Have these funny quotes made you feel good and happy. If you have been enjoying our collection of funny quotes then do check out Funny Inspirational Quotes similar to our funny quotes collection!

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.” -Cher

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” -Erich Segal

“When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.”

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.”

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” -Joan Crawford

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

“Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”

“Beneath every cynic, there lies a romantic, though, maybe, an injured one.”

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” -­George Burns

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” -Mirabeau

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.” -H.L. Mencken

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” -Richard Pryor

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” -David Sedaris

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?” -Rita Rudner

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.” -Joan Rivers

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” -Franklin P. Jones

Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.”

“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” -Sydney Harris

“I make more mistakes than anyone else I know. And, sooner or later, I patent most of them.” -Thomas Edison

Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.

I hope we’re friends until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people.

Sometimes I think, ‘What is a friend?’ Then I say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

I hope we’re friends until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people.

Sometimes I think, ‘What is a friend?’ Then I say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. -Bernard Meltzer

A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body. -Jim Hayes

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. -Marlene Dietrich

Thank you for still being my friend, despite the fact that you are completely aware of every terrifying, raunchy, explicit detail of my life.

One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention. -Clifton Fadiman

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. -Laurence J. Peter

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.

I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it’s about how you dance in the rain.

I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture.

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.

God, please give me patience, if you give me the strength I will just punch them in the face.

“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?” -Steven Wright

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”-Harry S Truman

“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” -Marie von Ebner

“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”-Franklin P. Jones

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” -Dale Carnegie

“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.” -Galileo Galilei

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” -Robin Williams

“Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner peace.” -Brian Vaszily

Best Funny Quotes to spread happiness and humour

“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” -Sydney Harris

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? -Jerry Seinfeld

I like Kit-Kat unless I’m with four or more people. -Mitch Hedberg

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright

I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there. -Steven Wright

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -Billy Sunday

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. -Laurell K. Hamilton

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. -Mark Twain

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -Winston S. Churchill

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. -Cathy Guisewite


We hope that these funny quotes will tickle you till you laugh out loud. Spread happiness and have fun with these funny quotes. Keep Hustling and Follow Quotes Inferno for more such quotes. Do check out our quotes compilation on topics similar to funny quotes.

Tagged : / / / / / / /

Leave a Reply